Writing Sober

     Since I was a young child I've struggled against this, and today I work with it. Writing through this helps me, and I can continue to help others as I've been so blessed to do.

     The picture wasn't pretty. Panic, phobias, fear, and insomnia took a toll as I was a child, an adolescent, and a young adult. Eventually, a slew of labels and poor coping skills set me up for nearly a decade of severe alcoholism, which tore my life apart--other people's lives, too. I've gotten familiar with jail, where everyone is angry. I've gotten familiar with psych wards, where everybody's crazy, and two years ago I fought my way into 30-day inpatient treatment, where everybody's angry and crazy.

     I'm lucky to be alive. My mind and body were run ragged for years, and I was flirting with death on a daily basis. Flirting with death: It's not as romantic or exciting as it sounds. It is a state of complete misery and chaos with no real meaning behind it. If you believe in Hell, the life of a person with a dual diagnosis (e.g. alcoholism and bipolar disorder) could qualify as a form of Hell on Earth. Nevertheless, today isn't for wallowing in what was. Today is about gratitude. Through sheer grace I've been able to shatter the concept of "9 lives" (I think I approached triple digits).

     Life is getting better; it gets better every day. I enjoy continued sobriety (no alcohol, no drugs), I am mentally stable and physically fit. It's a big picture and it all starts with the basics of self-care. I'm keeping life simple, and going back to basics to aide me in my transition from wishing death to embracing life. Writing helps a lot.

     Don't get me wrong; the dark and destructive part of my being is not gone and it never will be. It sticks around. However, there is a major difference. There is a wall that I've broken down over time; somewhat by force and somewhat by blessings and teachings I've received thus far. It comes down to this: I no longer give my illness the power to rule me, but I do not fight it, either. I acknowledge it, and I let it be. I do not feed into it or follow it, but I do not deny it or attempt to push it away. We coexist.

     Treat every day as if it was a test. Prepare for it, do your best, learn, and let it go--and don't forget to put faith in tomorrow.

     Thank you for reading. Please leave a comment and follow my blog. I'd love to hear feedback, your own experiences, constructive criticism, and any tips you may have for me as I continue writing.

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     --Cole Bishop